No Chance

For those of you expecting to read the typical *Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!* crap the rest of the media covering the Cardinals is dishing out, you are in for the shock of your life. I don’t for one second think the Cardinals are going to have a good week. I’m a realist people. I know for a fact life isn’t fair, and it’s not filled bubble gum clouds, rivers of hot fudge, and streets paved with candy. At times it sucks. It bites. And it blows. Unfortunately for us Cardinals fans, at the moment it’s doing all three. Life can’t always be lollipops & rainbows.

The Cardinals are 10-7 so far for the month of July. Their overall record is 45-50. They face the flubs & the Brew Crew to finish out the month. And the good people who run the Cardinals would like us all to think that the Cardinals are actually going to win both series this week against the flubs & Brew Crew. Well good for the Cardinals brass. But I for one am not buying it. I know the season is over, and it has been for some time. The final nail in the coffin was Carp’s Tommy John. Without the leader of the pitching staff, the Cardinals have no chance.

Well to those precious few who work in the Cardinals front office and are still shouting from the top of the Arch that the Cards have a shot of the playoffs I calling, bull crap. The St. Louis Cardinals have NO CHANCE of making the playoffs. They are just trying to pour the same Cardinal Red Kool-Aid down our throats that they’ve been brewing at Budweiser for years now. What you haven’t tried it yet? Well you really should try some, it’s fantastic. It really does give your eye sight a deep red hue. Not only that, but it alters your perception of reality better than any drug known to man. It’s better than crack, X, and even better and more addictive than good old fashioned meth. Yes the Cardinals just took 2 of 3 from the kids in South Beach. Yes they just split the 4 game series in the ATL. But that does not mean the Cardinals can take both upcoming series this week. In fact all it does is give us fans false hope that maybe, just maybe if we wear our lucky hats and jersey’s this week, the Cardinals will pull off another miracle just like last October. Well that ain’t happening folks. The Cardinals used up all their good luck, and all their good fortune. They exercised all their demons from past playoffs disappointments with last October’s miracle. There is no more good luck left. In fact the baseball gods believe they gave the Cards too much good luck last fall, and now they’ve come to collect.

And boy are they collecting.

This week is not going to be a good week. No matter how much the Cardinals want us fans to believe they have a shot at winning, it’s not going to happen. Not only are the flubs hot, but they have their pitching lined up perfectly to embarrass the Cardinals. Big Z starts things off Tuesday night, followed by Ted Lilly(meaning Tony will have his *D* lineup in for that game. Oh and here’s the kicker, it’s on ESPN. Way to show the world just how much the Cards suck Tony!)and Jason * Bipolar Betty* Marquis for Thursday’s finale. I firmly believe he has sold his soul to the devil. Any one who goes from being the worst pitcher to ever take the mound as a Cardinal, to being 7-5 with a 3.95 ERA as a flub, THE VERY NEXT SEASON, has to have sold his soul. And good for him. May he enjoy his eternity burning in the lake of fire. So of course the Cardinals will be swept by their arch enemy. And if that’s not enough to convince you the Cardinals are finished for the year, in marches the Brew Crew.

OH won’t that be fun! They are the younger, better, and cheaper version of the Cardinals. The wave of the future if you will. And the future is now. For years we’ve heard out of Milwaukee that they are building themselves in the Cardinals likeness. Well they’ve done a darn fine job. For good measure they even took one of our pitchers (SOUP) when his asking price got too high for the Cardinals liking. They can run. They can hit. And most importantly, they can pitch. Something the Cardinals used to be good at. Many, MANY moons ago.

So get ready Cardinal Nation. After this week the season will be over, it will finally be *official*. The Cardinals will be too far back in the Central to make a run at the playoffs. And I’m sure the cries to fire Tony, call up some kids, and trade some dead weight will get louder and louder. And quite honestly I’m not against calling up some kids & trading the dead weight. But I think firing Tony this late in the season with his contract already up at the end of the year does nothing but bring the Cardinals more bad PR. You don’t fire the 3rd winningest manager of all time, during a season. Especially one right after a world championship. No, instead you let him quietly walk away after the season is over, and start to rebuild.

And the rebuilding process can be started now. Most feel the bullpen is ripe for the pickings. OK, fine, trade Russ, trade Frank, heck trade TJ or FLO. But you DO NOT TRADE IZZY. The man has done so much for the Cardinals since coming home, it would be an insult to ask him to wave his no trade clause. He is without question the leader of that clubhouse. No matter what Jimmy feels, if any one has a problem, they go to IZZY. Sure Jimmy has his face in a camera saying he’s the leader because some one had to step up last season, but ask any one in that clubhouse and they will without hesitation say it’s IZZY. This is by no means a shot at Jimmy. He’s probably my favorite Cardinal. But IZZY’s the leader, not Jimmy. You just don’t trade your leader, no matter how bleak your season is. You just don’t do it. It would be one thing if the Cardinals had a closer waiting in the wings, but they do not. IZZY is all we have for the foreseeable future. I’m not a fan of picking up his billion dollar option for next season, I would hope he and the Cards can redo it and knock a few million or two off it. But you just don’t trade the guy. He deserves to, nay he’s EARNED THE RIGHT to retire a Cardinal. He won’t be around for too much longer. Let him ride off into the sunset on his terms. I’m also all for the dumpings of Mr. Clutch, aka Juan Encarnassadda, Scotty, ECK, AK, Wild Turkey, and heck, if Jimmy wants to go home to the west coast, let him go with many thanks for being Mr. Highlight. But just like IZZY, you don’t approach him, let him approach you.

Well kids that’s all the knowledge you can handle today. Enjoy this weeks massacre. It’s going to be a blood bath. You know I can handle the Cards going through a losing year. I can even handle it if the Stros, Reds, Pirates or Brew Crew have a winning year while the Cards suck. But there’s one thing I just can’t handle it’s the flubs winning, while the Cardinals are losing. It’s just not right. It goes against every thing good and pure in the world. The flubs are supposed to suck, and the Cards are supposed to rule. It’s that simple. But when the world gets turned upside down, and the opposite happens, well, I just can’t deal with it. Hence my cheery rantings today.

Well I’ll be in and out all week. Try and make it a great one. Till next time this is Jonny Bone reminding every one, that the light at the end of the tunnel, may be you.

And always remember, keep makin it bounce.



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